9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
How often Lord, do you come searching for me? You call out my name and ask me to reflect on where I am in my life. You press in on me and desire to awaken me to your presence but when I hear the sound of your voice I am afraid.
Afraid of you being disappointed and angry. Afraid of losing what I think to be my "freedom" to do my own will. Afraid that you will see me as I am. Afraid that I will see myself.
So instead of seeking you I hide. I create doubts to blind myself to YOUR reality. I turn to Self-justifications to avoid guilt. I seek other people, things, and experiences to escape from your presence. I make these my "gods" which I serve and get my meaning from them. I serve the creation instead of loving YOU!
Repentance is when I give this up.
So LORD, have mercy and put in my heart repentance. I need a change of mind. I need a change of heart. I need a change of attitude. Turn me around and wake me up. Take away my illusions.
Let me see that I don't need to be afraid. YOU have spoken to me.
10 'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10)
YOU have come to me on the cross and paid the full price of my unbelief and pride. YOU have loved me at my most unlovable moments. YOU have been seeking me when I was rebelling and running from you. YOU have never forsaken me even when I have forsaken YOU.
So let me now come just as I am without any excuse and hold me close to your heart. Help me not hide from you but show you all my weakness, faults, and confusion.
Heal my soul now. Heal my heart now. Heal my mind now. Make me whole.
Good Shepherd, remember that I am just dust and so very frail, come now and lead me through this time of travail. Help me to believe your promise, Good Shepherd.
11 Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, In His arm He will gather the lambs And carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes. (Isaiah 40:11)
Carry me today in your bosom. Like a lost lamb carry me close to your heart.
Thank you for seeking me. Thank you for calling to me. Thank you for helping me find YOU. Thank you for helping find me to find me.
LORD, YOU are great in abundant mercy and grace. Thank you for seeking me.